Sunday, October 29, 2006

A crazy week

The week started off badly. Last Sunday I started to bleed. I called Dr. Kim and he told me to call Monday morning and make an appointment. So I did. Althought Derick and I freaked out. I was more attached to this baby than I had thought. And I immediately couldn't imagine my life without it. We went in on Monday and everything was fine. We saw the heartbeat, and Sprout is measuring perfectly! It was wonderful.

On Wednesday I started bleeding again. I didn't freak out as much this time because I knew that I had just heard the heartbeat. But on Thursday morning when I woke up and was still bleeding, I decided to call Dr. Kim again. He wanted to see me immediately. Sprout was still there, it's heart beating away strongly, and everything again looked fine. Dr. Kim thinks it was just the placenta attaching. But everything looks ok. He doesn't think we are out of the woods yet, though.

On Friday I quit my job. Yes, you read it right. They backed me into a corner. Either I had to go out on disability or they wouldn't tolerate missing any work or having doctors appointments. Oh, and by the way, they thought I was stupid. I'm not disabled. I'm pregnant. And I'm not about to go out and persue a 'fradulent' disability charge. There is no reason for me to be out on disability! So I had to quit. I had no choice. Now we are back at the begining again.

I'm trying so save as much money as I can, but it's hard. And it's going to get harder. I want more than anything to buy Sprout a new crib and a toy that I desperately want for it. It's the Playschool Peak and Play Dome and I just adore everything about it! It's all I want to buy for him or her, and now I'm terrified that we won't get that far AND that we won't have enough money to do it! I don't want Sprout to have hand me down''s bad enough that I thought it was ok for Dylan. I want everything perfect for our miracle baby. A little neurotic? YES!

At the grocery store today an older lady mistook my coat for a baby in the cart. I laughed it off, but walked away in tears. I wanted to say, "It should be a baby but God had other plans." or "God willing it will be a baby, but not until June." It was horrible. I made a personal vow never to take my coat off at the grocery store again!

That's about it for crappy week. I'll try to write more now that I have the time!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Sprout is on it's way!

Good news!

We found out last week, October 4th, just 5 days before our 1st anniversary that Little Sprout is on it's way.

We are pretty excited, although everyone else seems to think that we may have made a mistake. Not in having Sprout, but because we aren't where we need to be financially. But we know it will all work out. It always does. There are lots of people much worse off than we are.

So, come June 11th, 2007...God Willing...we will have a little Sprout to look after. Keep us in your prayers. We will certainly need it.

I guess from here, we just save everything that we can so that we can move out SOONer than later. I can't be here any longer than I have to be. And even if we don't have our furniture, it will still be ours.

I will certainly write more later!

Our first appointment with Dr. Kim is on the 25th! Yay!

Monday, October 02, 2006

What is going on?


I don't know what is going on with my body. I'm not sure what to think. I don't know whether I should be excited, freaked out, scared, or all of the above.

My period was due today, and it hasn't come.

Granted, it may be just a little late. I may just be getting back on schedule. And I don't feel like I'm pregnant. I had a bit of nausea a few days ago, but that passed. But it hit me hard at happened while I was walking to the car. I've had to go to the bathroom a lot. But I'm not sure if thats due to drinking more water or not. And I've been much more tired than usual, but I don't know if thats due to getting up early for work or not. So many things, so many variables. So I don't know what to think.

I do know one thing, I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'm just going to be even more dissapointed if it doesn't turn out the way I hope. With Dylan, I had textbook symptoms. This time I don't. Could that be due to being pregnant again so soon? Maybe. Could it be because I'm not pregnant? Probably. I'm trying not to get Derick's hopes up as well. He didn't want to try this month, but I guilted him into it I think. I didn't mean to, and he says he is ready. But I can't help but think that he was ready because I was ready.

We were talking about Christmas presents the other day, and I rattled off a long list of the things that I wanted and I hoped I could get this year. When I got done, I asked him and he said, "All I want for Christmas this year is a baby." It made my heart melt.

At the point in my life that I'm in, a baby would help tremendously. It would focus my attention on something else instead of the upcoming days. I'm having a really hard time the closer that I get. I completely lost it today at work. Sometimes I'm fine and I can talk to people all the time about Dylan, but sometimes the mention of another person's baby just puts me over the edge. I haven't figured out how to deal with that yet. But I'm getting there. I'm making progress...however things turn out for us.