My Sweet Darling,
I cannot believe that one whole year has passed since I kissed you last, held your tiny fingers, and stared in amazement at your tiny toes. I'm sure that you are having an incredible birthday in Heaven, and I can only begin to imagine what that is like.
Daddy and I were talking tonight, and I told him that I don't even remember how we made it through this past year. It came with so much pain, but an incredible amount of love. Love that I didn't think was possible until I met you.
When I think of the short 17 weeks that I had with you, it doesn't seem long enough to have forged such a bond. One that will carry with me through the rest of my life and on into another life. You are my baby, my son. And absolutely nothing could change that.
I have learned so much in the past year. Lessons that I didn't think I would need to learn so young. But I did. And I grew strong. One year ago today I didn't think I would survive this. Yet here I am...proudly telling everyone that will listen the story of my angels. How two very short lives changed my life so profoundly.
Perhaps someday I will 'see' the big picture in all of this. Perhaps there is some grand scheme and I'm just waiting for it to unfold. But I can only pray that you will come back to me someday. Because I miss you so much more than I can put into words. My heart still and always will ache for you to be near.
I hope you are having a wonderful birthday up in heaven. I can't begin to imagine what your cake tastes like or how magnificent the gifts are. But please know the gifts that you have given me are more than you could ever believe.
I love you with my whole heart and soul,
Mommy
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Dylans 1st Birthday
Posted by Becky at 10:30 PM
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6 comments:
http://www.isheaven4real.com/#
Peace.
By the way, how God feels about death is part of the quality life He offers. For followers of Christ, death holds no fear. Remember, Jesus defeated death on Calvary and has given us freedom from death. Cemeteries, then, are filled with followers of God who are in the "peaceful pause before the resurrection." Yes, they are dead, but that death holds no power over their future. Jesus is coming to take them (and those of us who are still living) HOME! Death is almost like a wintery promise of spring.
http://www.lifetalk.net/2ndcoming/ee.html
Good nite.
Happy Birthday Sweet Dylan.
Have a great birthday up in heaven - maybe Laurent is helping you celebrate.
Shower Mommy and Daddy with kisses. Know that they love you so much, and remember you and your little brother always.
Hugs to you Becky on Dylan's day. I hope that the day was a peaceful one.
When I was a little girl, there were times that I would ask God to speak to me through lightening bolts and a loud booming voice. At the time, I didn't understand why He wouldn't talk to me that way. Even through my high school years, I constantly struggled with how to listen for God's voice. I recall crying at times because I didn't think He cared because I couldn't "hear" Him.
As I got older, I felt as though I had truly gotten to know God better and I changed my selfish childhood demanding ideas of how God should talk to me, looking instead for how He really talks to me.
I decided to use a prayer journal for my talks with Him. I am one of those people that need to see things happening to actually believe in them. Through journaling I began to see my requests and thanks on the lines of each page. I began to feel overwhelmed with how many things I thought were wrong with my life, and nothing seemed to change with my prayers. I started to feel the childhood ideas of God creeping back into my life. I questioned God, "Why won't You answer my prayers when You say all we have to do is come to You in humble prayer?" There were days I even skipped journaling because I actually thought it didn't matter.
Then one day, I decided to open my prayer journal and read some old entries. And what I saw not only shocked me, but also changed my view and relationship with Christ. As I turned the pages and read my prayers, I saw that every single request had been answered. They may not have been answered and granted how I would have thought or wanted, but they were answered nonetheless and I realized God knew how to handle each request better than I did. How could I have been so doubtful and so selfish? I realized I had been too busy being selfish to even realize that God was trying to speak to me and tell me that He did hear and answer my prayers.
Since that incident, my faith has grown and I'm learning to believe even when I cannot see, touch, or feel God physically. Sometimes I hear Him speak to me through music, through other people, through nature, and definitely through my prayer journaling. I have also come to understand that God does not wave a magic wand over us and grant our every desire just because we asked Him to. Sometimes, He answers our prayers and requests in ways that He knows are best, even if we don't understand. And sometimes, He doesn't answer us right away. I have learned to be more patient and diligent in prayer.
God speaks to all of us in many ways. I believe we have to learn how to listen for Him, or we will be like a selfish child, so consumed with our own needs that we miss hearing His soft voice.
"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).
http://www.InspiringWord.net/movies/psa-121.htm
God be with you.
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