Not so great appointment

The MA came in and took my bp and it was 150/100. I brought my little cuff and took it and it was 134/88. I was really upset. The doctor said that he'd rather take my reading, but that he wants to see me twice a week until delivery. I was finishing up my 24-hr urine test so hopefully we'll have the results of that later this week.

But we talked about the status of things. He wants to put me on meds, but I'm worried about the potential risk to the baby. He explained that it's tricky because high bp puts a tremendous strain on the baby, but bp that is to low isn't good either. I'm just nervous about it, I guess. I hate taking anything that could potentially hurt her. Derick asked about when we could schedule the c-section and he was very reluctant to say anything. He said that he knows that if we schedule the c-section it won't mean anything because there is no way that she's going to be born then. According to him today, when we get past 28 weeks every week counts. He also mentioned that he feels badly that we worked so hard to keep her in with the cerclage and that she's going to be coming earlier than expected anyway. So goes life, though. To me, she's much safer outside my body than inside. He told us today, with more certainty, that it's very likely she'll be born before 36 weeks. Last week he said very probable. Today it's likely. I just don't know what to think. Derick is so scared, and he's not talking as much as he should. He said that he wanted to hear from the doctor that everything will be ok with Lily but he was so overwhelmed that he forgot to ask. I'm afraid, but I have an overwhelming feeling that things are going to be ok. Like, she'll be ok...we'll be ok in every way...that she's the miracle that we have been waiting for our entire lives. It just has to be ok...people don't go through this 3 times.

I also asked somewhat jokingly if I was his highest risk patient. He went on to say that since he's affiliated with the hospital he has to take high risk patients, not that he would turn us away anyway. But private OB's have the right to turn people away for being to high risk. He said that there are CERTAIN patients that make him nervous and that he has to stay on top of his game for. Not only for obvious reasons, but he needs to sleep at night knowing that he's giving his patients the best care. So I assumed he was talking about us. We make him nervous, lol. That's why he's being so cautious.

So I go to the Peri tomorrow and he wanted me to explain the situation and that he's seeing me 2 times a week and to request the steroid shots. I guess they have to give them to me, I'm not sure. They will then determine when the best time to give the shots will be, but obviously the sooner the better. It's funny though. I spent so much time researching extreme prematurity that I don't have all the answers to Derick's questions about 'regular' preemie's.

I also spoke with one of my best friends that works in a hospital and also lost twin boys in December. She said that she really thinks they will admit me into the hospital for a while before they deliver. Like it will be a last resort to do the c-section. At least with the TAC in place it's not like I can really go into labor on my own and with the progesterone I'm not even having BH's. So she really has no way to go but to continue baking. Unless there is something wrong of course, then I'd rather a NICU stay.

We're also starting to get nervous about things. I feel like I should buy some preemie clothes and just keep the tags and the receipts so we aren't caught off guard. I don't want to bring this all up to my family because they have so much on their minds and I just don't want to add to the stress. My mom keeps saying that I'm asking for trouble whenever I mention her coming early anyway. She's got so much on her mind between worrying about us, taking my grandfather back and forth to his doctor's appointments, and helping my aunt come to terms with her cancer. Speaking of that, I'm really worried that my aunt isn't going to see Lily before she dies. Then I think I'm selfish because she won't even come close to meeting her own grandchildren. But maybe Lily needs to come early so that my aunt can die in peace. I know that it's something that's on her mind because she always asks my mom....so I don't know...maybe I'm just being me.

Anyway, that's what's going on with us. I'll update when I know more tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get the shots within the next 2 weeks or so because I think it'll make a huge difference. I keep teasing Derick that she'll be born around his birthday (August 19). He told me today that he's ok with sharing his birthday now, lol.