Humanity

I'm just disgusted. I can't stop thinking about the things that were stolen from Dylan's grave. I'm starting to loose sleep over it. Not because I expect it back, or because of the money spent, but because of the meaning of the things that were there.

I can't give my son a gift and watch him smile as he opens it. I can't see the glee or hear the giggle when he touches the wrapping paper. I can't even hear him complain and throw the clothes aside! I would die just to see him smile or hear him coo. So, the gifts that I can give him were taken away. They were stolen. Would someone steal a gift to a living child? No. So why would they steal one from a child's grave? What is wrong with humanity today that someone would need those things so badly that they couldn't find the money to buy them. Why would someone need a $.59 American flag, a $1.49 Love stake, and a $19.99 planter. I would have gladly given one to anyone who would have asked...but to take...from a child? Those belonged to him. They were my babies, put there with love and affection.

I guess I'm just having a hard time. I feel like everything was taken from us. That was just the straw that broke the camels back. History has taught me not to trust things, not to believe in things, or even have hope. And it's sad. I used to be so positive, what happened? I can't even get excited for things, because I just expect them to blow up in my face. I'm so emotional lately, and just sad in general. It's getting so close to October, and sometimes I'm afraid that I just won't make it. I think that sooner or later I'm just going to give up the fight. I'm tired. Tired of trying to find the best of situations, tired of fighting for what's mine, tired of finding the good in people...and tired of letting myself get run over because in turn, I passed that onto my son...even in death. The poor little one can't even sleep peaceful without someone taking advantage of him. What have I done? Why can't I just quit trying to make everyone happy, and worry about what is best for my family?

I'm so sad. October is coming so fast and there is nothing I can do to stop it.