Our new life

Hi Sweetie Pie!

How was your day today? I bet the weather up there in Heaven is perfect, because it was pretty close to perfect here! Lilo and I went for a long walk and I know that she would have loved if you could be there with us. I taught her to sit at each corner before we crossed the street. Other dogs were jealous of us!

I've had a good day today. I woke up kind of sad and feeling sorry for myself. It was hard to get out of bed today, and even harder to not go back to bed. I had an interview yesterday for a job that I really wanted and I hadn't heard anything back. But she called, around 3 when I was out with Grandma. And I got the job! I'm so excited! This means that we will be able to start our new life. We will be able to get our own house, get our car back, and maybe get you a little brother or sister! Daddy won't feel as much stress now that I have a job and he can consentrate on his classes so he can do what he loves. And Lilo, well she will just have to adjust to me not being home all day! I think she can manage, but keep her company. When you are there, it keeps her busy for hours!

Our new life is going to be perfect. I promise. You will always be a part of it. Your brother's and sister's will always know you, and they will know that you are always with them. We have the most special family. God only picks certain people to give birth to an Angel. And God knows that we can do it because we love you so much. We love you so much that we will sacrafice our baby to be an Angel in Heaven. God always needs more angels!

An Angel Never Dies

Don't let them say I wasn't born
that something stopped my heart.
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I loved you from the start.
Although my body you can't hold,
it doesn't mean I am gone.
The world was worthy, Not of me
God Chose that I move on
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
what you are forced to face.
You'll have my word I'll fill your arms,
someday we will embrace.
You'll hear "It wasn't meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes."
But that won't soften your worst blow,
or make your heart not ache.
I am watching over all you do,
another child you will bear.
Believe me when I say to you
that I am always there!
There will come a time I promise you,
when you will hold my hand.
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
and then you'll understand.
Although I never breathed your air
or gazed into your eyes,
That does not mean I never was
An angel never dies!

So Dyls, things are starting to look up. I think.

I'm thinking of starting an organization called Hearts Full of Hope that makes hearts, stuffed with fuzz, and embroidered with the word Hope for women who have lost their babies, had a miscarriage, or struggle with health and infertility. I would donate some to the hospital where you were born, and send them to women who need a little hope. I have recieved so much from so many women, that it's imperative that I give some back. They will also have felt hearts inside...red for love, yellow for happyness, green for success, purple for fertility, blue for health, and white for their angel. I think people would like them. But I might need some help getting them out. I have to work on that...maybe Aunt Sondra would be willing to help. It will all be in memory of you. Everything I do is for you, and this will be my way of sharing your love and your life. Daddy could make us a website where people can order them for a small donation and all of the money recieved will go to the March of Dimes or another organization to help babies to small like you. I could also sell them for a donation at different places. Sort of like the Girl Scouts in Walmart! They will have a ribbon hook so that people could use them as an ornament, a decoration, or hang them in the bedroom of their very own miracle baby to always remind them to have hope. It's easy to loose, and very hard to get back.

It's been a long road getting here. But I'm glad to finally be here!

I love you so very much sweetie pie! I miss you every day. I don't think we will be able to get to see you this weekend because there is a bad storm coming by. But we will for your 4 month birthday next week.

Love always,

Mommy