I'm dissapointed in myself. I had to break down and return to taking my Zoloft. I was doing so well. Or I thought so at least. But this week has just put me through the wringer.
I know that grief comes in waves. I know that the worst, darkest months I had after Dylan died were in July, August, and September. I'm at the same point after Riley's death. It's been almost 3 months. Three excrutiatingly long months. I feel like I'm back to bargaining again. I would do anything to have Riley here with me. God, I would do anything. But there is nothing that can be done. There is absolutely nothing that I can do to have either of my boys back with me. I have to accept that, and most times I do...it's just so hard when things are so dark.
Derick and I came to a mutual agreement that it's best to start taking the Zoloft again. I cried myself to sleep almost every day this week. I feel better, but I had hoped I could start to wean myself off of it. Derick says that even though I am strong and rediculously stubborn, sometimes I have to give in because I can't fight it all. He's right, I know it. But I'm still dissapointed.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Dissapointed in myself
Posted by Becky at 5:35 PM
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2 comments:
It's nothing to be ashamed of. I've had my share of zoloft and wellbutrin induced happiness.
So you live in PA? I am in NY, originally from the NE section of PA. We travel there quite often. Sounds like you might be in the mid-eastern section if you spend time at Cabelas.
{{{Hugs}}}
Becky, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication when you need it. Depression can be something so debilitating, and sometimes it takes a really long time to learn how to deal with it. I can understand your reluctance to be on it, but it's not something that you're likely going to need forever - not even for very long. Of course, you will always miss your boys, but over time things WILL start to look up (there I go again being obnoxiously optimistic, but it's true!) and you will find more peace in your heart... things will get easier!
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