Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My Friend

In the begining of December, my mother called and sounded sad. I asked her what was wrong, and she skirted the issue a little making small talk and putting things off. Finally, after she was satisfied that I was alright, she continued.

"Remember I told you Carol's sister was pregnant?"
"Yeah, I remember...with twins?"
"Yup...well she's at the hospital. She lost baby A at 20 weeks. They are hoping that they can
save baby B."
"Oh no. My heart breaks for her. Keep me posted."
"I will. Carol called me and she said that if anyone would understand it was us."
"Oh geeze, Mom. Tell her to tell her sister that if she ever needs to talk..."
"I will."

I hung up and told Derick. He said that we should send them a card. I told him that we didn't know them, but that we will pray for them to make it through.

Two days later, December 4th, my mother called again to say that she lost her second son.

A few weeks later I had a message on my blog from a woman that lived near me. She explained that she had just lost her sons due to IC, and she noticed where I lived. I emailed her, and she wrote back. I saw my mom that night, and I asked her if Carol's sister's name was Lisa. I explained the story, and how it was fate that we meant. Our little boys brought us together, and we have been pretty close ever since. She was the one that suggested that I might be pregnant, even when I didn't want to believe it myself. She's comforted through my worries, and I hope that I've comforted her when she's needed me.

But I've noticed lately, especially after I called to see how she was two months later, and I'm sure she's probably reading this now...but I'm afraid for her. I know what it's like to pull away and isolate yourself after your loss. I know how freightening it is, and how sometimes you want nothing more than to hide in bed all day. And it's not something that each person does consciously. It's something that just happens. But I don't want it to happen to her. I desperately want for her to come through this...because there is light at the end of her tunnel. When Derick and I talked about it, I had hoped that it had nothing to do with me being pregnant again...as I know that pain all to well too. There are to many nights that I can count where I have cried myself to sleep knowing that "So and so is pregnant and I'm not..." It's killed friendships that I had, and it's made me think terrible things about people that I love so much. And if she feels this way...I understand. I understand those tears and that heartache.

Anyway, Lisa has become a great friend to me when I needed it more than anything. I used to ask God, through my tears, for someone to talk to. And I found it...or I should say that she found me.

So if you are reading this...know how much you mean to me always. You are the answer to my prayers, and I couldn't have asked for anything more.

4 comments:

butterflyanla said...

I don't think ppl like "us" get to have those mythical care free pregnancies. It is a huge trend amongst IF bloggers. Getting pregnant is only half the battle. So where as I think you will always be "on guard" and a little scared, I do hope that you find some happiness in this pregnancy. I am sorry that you are feeling a little lonely. Know that I am still here, and if you need ANYTHING, don't hesitate to ask. I really hope that Lisa is o.k. and may our strength find her and get her though this difficult time in her life.

Christyna said...

you are a wonderful sweet woman....

Anonymous said...

Becky,
TOUR PREGNANCY DOES NOT UPSET ME.....AS YOU KNOW I AM JUST HITTING A BUMP IN THE ROAD. I WILL BE OKAY AND THANK YOU FOR CARING SOO MUCH.. ISNT IT SILLY YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT ME AND I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND THE BEAN EVERYNIGHT.WE WILL BOTH BE OKAY AND WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS WITH EACH OTHERS SHOULDER TO CRY ON. OUR BOYS WANT IT THAT WAY.

LOVE YA, LISA

Anonymous said...

Sorry about the spelling on the last comment. We need to get together and make a blog for me. If i ever have a day off and we are not both busy. Oh wait you should be home on bedrest after the TAC. I'll cook and bring the laptop. Lisa