Sunday, January 28, 2007

So this is love...

I often say that what I learned from Dylan was how to love. I had no idea what that meant, until the moment that those two little lines showed up. From that moment on, which happens to be coming up on it's year anniversary, I knew that I was in love with that mysterious little one growing inside me. The one who kept me up all hours of the night trying to get comfortable, the one that made me so sick that I couldn't go to work, the one that made my back ache horribly, the one that gave me that far off dreamy look...the one who made my heart melt when I thought of him...the one who made my life complete just for 17 short weeks...the one who brought his father and I closer. Can you imagine that a little person who only weighed 3.6oz could do such big things? It was he who paved the way for his brother into his parents hearts. It was he who helped us understand that we were ready and we would be able to love again.

From little Riley, I learned how to apply that love to help others. He showed me how big the world is and how scary it is at times. He showed me how to not let other's take advantage of me, to put my family first, and how to make a difference in this big world. He showed me how to have courage and be brave. Ironically that's what his name means. How could a little, tiny boy carry me so strongly on his shoulders like that?

So this, my friends, is love. Everything about me, comes from love...comes from my boys. They are a part of my deepest core. They are a part of my soul. They were created from love, died in love, and knew only love. But why, then, is it so hard to remember them with joy? How can I learn to live without them...adjust to life with these holes in my heart...? How can I move on?

Perhaps, I guess, only time will tell.


Debbie said...

Oh Becky. What you wrote is beautiful. I can so relate to that last paragraph. I don't know how, Becky, we will learn to live without them. It seems impossible now.
I'm on this same journey as you, and I'm thinking of you all of the time. (((hugs)))