Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Rather sooner than later!!

I want to be pregnant now. I don't want to wait. I want to feel like moving inside me again. I long for that connection with another soul. I just want to be normal again.

But Derick says that we have to wait. I know that he's right. But I can't stop these feelings inside my body. The hormones and the instincs are going crazy, for the second time. I tell people that we are going to wait. But I honestly don't know if I can. I've started counting down like a crazy person. 11 more months to go. Seems like a lifetime. I keep telling myself that if I keep busy, time will fly. And if I can make it to Andrea's wedding, we are half way there. I'm looking forward to that. It's not everyday your best friend gets married : )

So if I can make it to June, we are half way there. Maybe I'll restart my countdown. 5 more months until we are halfway there!

My heart is just so broken. I don't know what to do or how to get rid of these feelings. Or maybe they won't ever go away. I knew before that 4 months was a long time while we waited to get pregnant with Riley. I just don't know how I'm going to make it a year. Maybe after we get things going with consults and insurance and stuff it will feel like I'm actually doing something. Maybe thats all I need.