Wednesday, January 16, 2008

100 posts

I can't believe it's been 100 posts.

When I look back through the last year and 8 months, I can't believe how far I've come and how much I've lost. It seems incredible to me. Almost like it was someone elses life.

But it's funny, you know, because my life has not started back up again since the moment we lost Dylan's heartbeat. It never got back on track, and things never became even close to where they were just hours before my water broke.

But still, we've come a long way...

We're trying to have another baby now. That in itself is a big step towards the happiness of our future. We've moved and have our own place again. We've got great jobs that we love (most of the time). And I cannot forget about my family. Derick lives and would die for me, and Lilo wags her tail so fast when I come back into the room that it's as if someday it will fly off.

So why then, won't I be happy until I have a toddler running from room to room with Lilo following close behind? Why can't I be happy until that image in my mind comes true? Why can't others (the rest of my family) want the same thing for us?

I'm close to happy. I really am. However true happiness won't come until I hear my own baby scream. I'm closer now to happy than I've been in a year and 8 months.

I had a dream last night that I was at the doctors office. The doctors that were treating me were from Private Practice and one was just a TV with his face on it. Every once in a while he would go to commercial. Anyhow, they told me that I had a blockage that was traveling to my brain. My aneurysm was like a bomb. It could explode tomorrow, two weeks from tomorrow, or 25 years from tomorrow. My first though upon hearing this news was that Derick was going to loose me, and what was he to do? My second thought was that I need to do things in my life now to make me happy, because someday it might be to late. I need to start living NOW instead of putting it off for tomorrow. Otherwise life is going to pass me right on by. When I woke up, I looked around and said to Lilo, "Oh my God. It was only a dream."

So for my next 100 posts, here are my goals:

1. have a living child
2. loose some weight (or most of the weight I need to loose)
3. finally take our dream honeymoon (even if it's with an infant)
4. save money- enough so that if something happens we won't be shuffling things around
5. visit Disneyland again but this time with Derick...and maybe baby!
6. get EVERYTHING unpacked completely
7. start writing again
8. pick up my paintbrushes where I left off
9. finish my scrapbooks
10. have a better relationship with some members of my family.
11. finish the baby blanket I've been making because 'someday' we'll have a baby
12. learn to communicate with Derick better
13. make more time to spend with the ones that I love
14. have a better relationship with my SIL
15. stop and take the time to smell the roses and take in everything this Earth can offer.

Ok, so that's them. Stay tuned to see what I can accomplish!

And as always, for those that read and comment and for those that read and don't comment, thank you for taking the time to come and visit anyway. And if you're just a casual lurker, leave me a note and I'll be sure to pop in on you to see what your life is like.


Monica H said...

I think I'm approaching my 100th post soon too. I hope that within the next 100, many if not all of these things on your list happen.

Monica H said...

P.S. I am only 6 posts away!

Anonymous said...

I seriously needed to read something like this today. it was like the "kick in the pants" we all need from time to time. Having a bad day, few days whatever. It won't be the end of the world. Congrats on a new outlook and your list. I wish you luck. and Thank you for writing your blog.

M said...

::hugs:: You're an awesome woman Becky. Good luck reaching your goals in these next 100 posts.