I forgot

I had a good post in mind, but I forgot what I was going to write about. I've been doing that lately...forgetting...I think it's the pregnancy brain. I forgot to put my car in park the other night, and I only realized it when it started rolling towards the car in front of me. Then I forgot to wash the conditioner out of my hair when I took a shower last night. I don't remember locking the door when I leave for work, and I when I get there, I have to write everything down otherwise I'm asking people the same information they've already given me. I don't ever remember it being this bad before, but it must be a good sign.

Yesterday I felt like crap. ***TMI*** I almost threw up a few times, and by almost I mean that I could taste it at the bottom of my throat and threw up a few times in my mouth. That MUST be a good sign.

I think the bean is doing well. I hope, at least. The doctors office called Friday night to let me know that she couldn't get the results then but will call first thing Monday morning with them. I fell pretty confident now. Nature has a way of reassuring you that everything is alright. My breasts are sore, my stomach hurts, and nothing is appetizing. All those must be good signs!

Monica H left me a comment on my last post about worrying. She said that when she was pregnant with Sam and Jack she never found out until she was like 6-8 weeks along. I thought about it, and remembered that when I was pregnant with Dylan and Riley I refused to take a test until I was about 6 weeks. It was a lot less stress and things just seemed to go quicker. At that poing there was already a heartbeat, we could already see them on the ultrasound, and the 1st trimester was half way over. This time, however, was different. With the boys I didn't get a postive on a HPT until much later...if/when I tried to test around 10-16 dpo it was still negative. That's why I'm so suprised that I got a positive now. However, since I'm so crazy this time and because I have to have the TAC placed, I wanted to know ASAP.

I'm NEVER going to know this soon again : )

Derick and I talked yesterday, and we both agreed that this is very stressful on us both. More so than we had thought. So we talked about how if this one is born healthy and on time, we might not try again for another 5 years...maybe even 10. It's just so much for us both. It'd be ok if we only had one child, but neither one of us would be content with it. We even talked about the possibility of doing a surrogate next time. And of course, adoption is still in our minds. I guess we just never realized how hard this would be on us. I don't know when we are going to relax. Maybe 26 weeks? 28 weeks? If I even get that far...

Last night Derick was holding me...

Him- "I think I'm going to sleep on the couch when the baby comes."
Me- "Why? You don't have to do that, we'll take turns gettting up."
Him- "No, it's not that."
Me- "Ok"
Him- "I just don't ever want to sleep as far away from him or her as we do from the boys."
Me- "Uhh...ok."

I'm blown away that he thinks like this. I'm pretty sure that he would sleep next to our child for the rest of his life if it meant that they'd be safe. It's weird what men think of. I think of them being safe in a motherly way...healthy, warm, fed....and he wants to physically keep them safe. Like safe from the world almost. If he sleeps right next to them nightmares can't get to them, there won't be any monsters under the bed, no crying at night, no staying up past their bedtime, no sneakng boys into the house, no sneaking out at night...it's a lovely thought, but someday they will grow up and the inevitable will happen...

As much as we would like to keep them as safe as we can right now, it doesn't mean that things will always be this way. What's strange is that for us, the safest place for them to be right now is NOT in my uterus. It's in our arms.