Jumping off a bridge

I feel like I'm standing on a bridge. I could run across to safety (and a lifetime without children), or I could jump. But if I jump, the river is narrow and only a few feet of it is wide enough to survive the jump. I could land on the rocky shore, and that would be sudden death (loosing another baby). So do I jump and hope that I land in the river? If I do, it wouldn't be sudden death. No matter where I would land, I would be safe...although I would be a bit more worse off if I didn't land where the water is deep. But if I do land in the deep water, I'll be safe!

So what do I do? Run to the other side, jump and risk sudden death, or take the jump and pray for safety?

That's how I feel about trying again. The fear is the equivalent of jumping off a bridge without a safety net.

Except with trying again, I will have a safety net. I'll have my cerclage...

So then, knowing that I'll have my safety net in place, why is it so difficult to move ahead?

I've stopped using the OPK's. I'll admit that they were very cheap, and perhaps there wasn't enough dye in them. But when I looked through the garbage (what else would any other rational person do?) I think I came across one that was positive. So perhaps I've O'd already and missed it. I don't know. But even if I did ovulate, the other important part of the equations hasn't been there. So it wouldn't matter anyway.

No pressure, no pressure! That's what he keeps saying.

OK hon, no pressure. But today is the day, and without pressure it's not going to happen.

So instead I go to sleep sad, blaming it on myself because yet again it's something that I just can't do right.

Even if I have O'd, there's nothing there to meet it at the end of the journey. And if I haven't, at least I have more time.

The perfectly rational part of me knows that these things can take a while. But the perfectly irrational part of me is throwing a tantrum.

Thank you for your support and your rational words. I appreciate it more than I'm sure you realize sometimes!