A mistake?

I've seen so many women lately on an October expecting club that I lurk on that are starting to develop IC or complications surrounding it and cerclages. Their cervix's typically measure between 2.2cm and 2.7cm at about 20 weeks. Their doctors have either placed a cerclage and are on bedrest or just on bedrest. So why then, when my cervix measured 1.9cm at 14 weeks with Riley was I not put on bedrest or told to curtail my activities at all? That's a good 6 weeks before they started to have problems, and almost a whole cm shorter than their cervix's.

I've been thinking lately about requesting my records from the Perinatal Center surrounding Riley. I have always felt that there was something missing in the picture but am unable to put the pieces together. I feel like I might not ever be able to get through the rest of my life without knowing. Yet logically, I know that it won't change things and it certainly won't bring him back to us.

I spoke to Derick about it today over lunch. He thinks it's going to be a mistake. That it will open a can of worms that we will never be able to put a lid on. He also said that the best case scenerio is that we'll see what we've always suspected. And the worst case is a bit worse than that. He's concerned that it will make me angry again after we've worked so hard to let go of that anger. He's also concerned that it will make me sad and says that he doesn't want me to go through that...or put Lily through that. So what do I do? Is it a mistake to request them?