Sunday, May 04, 2008

You don't give up, do you?

We spent the evening with my Dad's family. They have not been very supportive of us since we lost the boys, and sadly they aren't much more now. My Dad's sister has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and has decided at this point, it's best to stop chemo and live the rest of her life the best she can. Today was my grandmother's birthday and the whole family surrounded her. We had to take a family picture, with my aunt in attendance. It's not the last time we are going to see her, but I guess my grandparents are afraid that it could be the last time that everyone is together. One uncle is in NYC, another in Norfolk, VA, and yet another in Washington DC. So it's not easy to get us all together...especially her grandchildren.

At dinner my grandfather started grilling Derick and I about how we are paying our bills. He doesn't get that I can't work at the moment and any type of work would be disasterous for my dissability...and that's not a risk we can take right now. Derick started a new job and is working each and every weekend so we can get caught up on things. It's double-time on the weekends, so it helps a lot. But he wanted to know EXACTLy why Derick isn't getting a second job. It's aggravating, really. He's not paying our fact, he hasn't even called to see how we are. Eventually he got distracted and got up, my grandmother sat down next to me. She went on to say that my cousins IC have nothing to do with me. She basically made me feel like I'm all on my own...a freak of the family...a woman that can't carry a child. My uncle's partner sat down on the other side of me and proceeded to as how I was. I told him, and then I told him that I was pregnant again. The words out of his mouth blew me away.

"Again?! Boy, you don't give up, do you?"
"No Sebastian, I don't give up. And certainly not on THIS!"

He got up and walked away. I couldn't believe it, and my grandmother heard the whole conversation. She's the one who keeps telling my parents that I should stop and enjoy the life that I have with my husband. I know she has a lot going through her mind right now, but what can't she get about our situation?


On another note, we've finally decided on a name: Lillian Rylan

It's the only name that both of us can agree on. We'll call her Lily, and Rylan is both of her brother's names put together. We've been getting obscene comments on it, but we answer with a smile, "Oh, well it's funny you have an opinion. You didn't consult us when you named your children." It's quick, easy, and effective : )


Carie (cariemamax5) said...

Oh Sweet Becky,

I am sorry you had to deal with that family garbage. How dare they!. Ignore them all, whihc I am sure you're a pro at by now.

I love the name, by the way. Obviosuly I love Lily, but the middle name combining the boys name is so perfect.

Write if ever I can be of any help, even just to vent. i still check on you every day.

Take Care and God Bless,


Monica H said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Monica H said...


I am so sorry your family is not being more supportive of your situation. I'm sorry they're not there for you like we all wish they would be.

I can't believe your uncle/grandmother/grandfather said that to you! How incredibly inconsiderate and rude.

I am sorry to hear about your aunt though. My thoughts and prayers will be with her.

No, we don't give up. They don't give up on life, why should you? I'm trying to see things fairly, but they just don't understand- and they never will.

And, I LOVE Rylan! Why are they giving you a hard time about it? I think it's beautiful that she'll share both her brothers names.

Hang in there!

((HUGS)) ~Monica

niccalvin14 said...

i am glad that you and derrick haven't given up. otherwise, how could you have the opportunity to hold your beautiful baby girl in 5 months?
some people are just mean, and after you lose a baby, they just don't get it. i got pregnant 6 weeks after i lost ~willie~, and i got comments too. i just ignored people because it would have distraced me from my little miracle payton! (as hard as that was!)
by the way, i love the name you chose! her middle name is gorgeous! i have always liked lily.
take care, god bless, and i am always checking on you!
nicole :)

mrsmuelly said...

Grrrr, I'm so sorry that your family reacted that way. We will support you! I'm sure the right thing to tell you is that they are worried about you and don't want to see you hurt again...but grrr! People really just don't understand how hurtful their words can be.

I think Lillian Rylan is fabulous. It's not too trendy and not something that's totally "off" either - if that makes any sense. I think it's great that Rylan has meaning too.

M said...

Geez, your family doesn't sound very nice or understanding. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. You are much more graceful than I would be in that situation; after hearing all those comments, at one point I think I would've turned into the incredible Hulk and went ape s*** on all of them. Well just try to keep in mind that they are ignorant in the true sense of the word; you know what you gotta do to get by, that Derick is working hard, that you can't work right now, that what you are going through is totally worth it. Ugh I just can't stand when people can't mind their own business, so I feel for you.

butterflyanla said...

Sorry your family are still being shits. I love the name Lili and and I would covet Rylan if it wasn't already yours. I think you are doing a great job hang in there.

Anonymous said...

i love the name I really do. i knew what Rylan was the minute i read it. Fitting and beautiful. I am so sorry that you have people in your life that aren't supportive like they should be. That must be hard. You are doing so well and this is going to happen for you guys. and in the end isn't that all that matters? the rest will work itself out. Yay!!!

Amy said...

I am sorry about the family junk!
However, your name you have chosen is beautiful!

Thank you for your comments on my side. I truly appreciate it!

Wishing you peace and light on your "happy" journey, this time around!

heathers243 said...

"you don't give up, do you"

Ummm, I don't even know what to say about that! RIDICULOUS!

I also think Rylan is just beautiful.

Derick said...

If you give up there will be a part of your self that will feel bad and hurt more then you can be. I wish you could be like me and just let the family stuff go in one ear and out the other, I know it is hard for you but you will get through it. You are the strongest woman I have ever meet and I am glad to be married to you.

I wish we could just tell everyone off but I guess our bark is bigger then our bite. So therefore we have to find a way to ignore them and move on with our life because we have so much more important things to do with our time then to worry about who is talking about us today and what they are saying about what we are doing to make our family so perfect.

I think you have an amazing gift to be able to help out so many people out there that have gone through the pain that has touched our lives not once but twice and for that I praise you and look up to you.

I think Lilly is a wonderful name it will be just right for our baby girl, and Rylan will be such and honor to our boys and they right now are looking down on us and protecting there little sister.

So keep on trucking out there, there are so many people including me that are looking up to you.

We all love you and godspeed.

Love you hubby,