Lily's birth story

I've finally got a few moments to myself and really reflect on her birth. I'm somewhat saddened that I don't remember it the way I would like to. I was in such shock at the moment that I didn't have time to reflect on what was actually happening. It will catch up with me in time, I'm sure, but right now it seems like such a blur.



Sunday August 3rd, I started to feel bad. Uncomfortable. Not myself. I thought I overdid it. Maybe I was constipated. Perhaps it was gas that I just couldn't pass. By the time night fell, I was uncomfortable tossing and turning in my sleep. I could not find a place to settle. By Monday morning, I was tired and restless. I still couldn't find comfort. I went to the bathroom. Not constipated. I took some Gas-X, no gas. Still uncomfortable. I laid around most of the day, but went out to dinner with my parents and my brother and sister-in-law. At dinner, I started to feel really bad. I thought it was just pressure on my TAC. The doctors told me to expect that. So I took some Tylenol and hoped that it would help things a little bit.

By the time I got in the car, I was very uncomfortable. With everything going on in my family, I didn't want to worry my dad any especially if it was unwarranted. So my mom and I dropped him off and I told her that I wasn't feeling great. I called the doctor and he told me to come in.

When we got there, they hooked me up to all the monitors. They said I wasn't contracting. The residents did a pelvic exam and said that my cervix was closed. They did an FFN test, and said the results would be back in a few hours. Then they did an vag u/s. The resident was silent. She said that she couldn't find my cervix on the u/s screen. Then she said, "Oh, it measures 2.5cm." So I told her that it was 1cm shorter than what it's been my whole pregnancy. Well, she said, this machine isn't very accurate. It's just pressure, you can go home.

On the way home, the pain started to increase. Derick was waiting for me. I ran inside to use the bathroom and I was bleeding. I passed what I now know was part of my mucous plug. Derick saw me in the bathroom and saw the blood. He started to put his shoes on and said that we were going back.

So we got back in the car...

By the time we got to the hospital, my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and the pain was so bad that I couldn't stand. They took me right up to labor and delivery and into triage. My mom insisted that the doctor come in and that we didn't want to see a resident. They tried to find her heartbeat but they couldn't get it on the monitor so they brought in an u/s machine. Just like with Dylan. I started to freak out, panick, cry...I thought we lost her too. It was just like with Dylan. Then they found it. She was just moving to quick to catch it! Before we knew it, the doctor had come in and did an internal. He told the nurse that he could feel my cerclage.

They started terbutiline and then magnesium. They took my contractions 8-10 minutes apart with irregular strength. But they never stopped.

I finally sent everyone home aroud 6am. I was still in triage, but there was nothing that they could do and I figured they might as well get some sleep. It was going to be a busy day.

Around 8:30 am they took me to see the Peri. They put me in a wheelchair, and we went over. I got onto the table, they did the u/s and estimated her to weigh 4lbs 7oz and she looked great. She was tollerating everything well. The tech started the vaginal u/s and the doctor was speechless. Even I've never seen anything like it! My cervix was completely gone. It was just the TAC holding everything in. I thought that her foot had slipped through, but it was the amniotic sac coming through. I have no idea why or how it didn't break, but the TAC held it all where it could...like a dam. I asked about NICU because at that moment I knew that she was going to be born and the Peri said that they had one bed available. I asked him if he could put our name on it and he said, "Consider it done!" My mom walked into the room the moment he told the nurses to book the OR. I sat up, trying to get back in the wheelchair, and he wouldn't let me off the bed. So they wheeled me back to L&D.

I called Derick on the way and I told him he needed to get here now. He asked if he could take a shower, and the nurses said, "There is no time for a shower!" But he met us as soon as the doctor did. He got all ready in his scrubs, the OR was ready, and they wheeled us off.

The anistesiologist started the Epi and Derick came in shortly after that. They started cutting at 10:55 am and Lily was born at 11:03am. It was amazing. She didn't cry at first, but she peed on the doctor. What a suprise for a child of mine! They whisked her away and Derick followed taking pictures. Before they left for NICU they brought her to me for a kiss, and she was gone. She was perfect.

The doctor told me that when they took Lily out they heard a snap or a pop. She said that it was probably her clavical that maybe broke or fractured. By the time we got to NICU to see her, they had already done x-rays but didn't find anything.

I asked for a breast pump right away because I wanted to start immediately. The nurses weren't very accomodating for NICU mom's that wanted to bf. I was suprised, and somewhat dissapointed. They just came and dropped everything off with no instruction or anything. Finally I got a nurse that was helpful and helped with the horrible soreness. By the time she got to me the next day, I had blisters and was bleeding. It was terrible. Thank God that is over now!

The next day we headed to NICU. My brother and sister in law were with us when the nurse noticed Lily's arm. She was diagnosed with something called Erb's Palsey. She has no feeling from her shoulder to her elbow and cannot move her shoulder. She can move her elbow, wrist, and fingers on that hand but it's just not as strong. There is a chance she can grow out of it because nerve's regenerate themselves, but she could require surgery. We've since found a specialist at Shriners Children's Hospital in Philadelphia and will be taking her there regardless. We won't know much until she starts to develop a little and use it. Derick still has a little bit of denial surrounding it and I've been researching like crazy. It's typical during a vaginal birth and shoulder distocia, but not with a c-section and a tiny baby.

I'm suffering a bit from PPD. The circumstances are just not what I thought they would be. My head knows that the situations are different, but my heart still says that we left the hospital without a baby AGAIN. So I'm having a really hard time with that. The doctor gave me something to help, and he set an appointment for the end of the month to go over everything. I told him about the Erb's. He wasn't the doctor that delivered, but he is my doctor and I trust him. His mouth fell open, and he kind of stuttered "But she was tiny...and a c-section..."

Hopefully we'll have more answers then...

So that's Lily's birth story. It's not perfect, but she is. If anyone knows anything about Erb's, I'd love to hear what you think. I also want to say that my TAC did not fail. So if anyone is facing that, that is not what happened. According to the doctors now, it was straight PTL. I was just unlucky.