I called this morning to check on Lily. They took her feeding tube out, and she's doing wonderfully. Except she had an 3 apnea episodes last night. All right after her eating, and all due to reflux. When there is an apnea episode, they need another 5 days before they can go home. So now we're looking at Wednesday.
As much as I said I wasn't going to get my hopes up, I did. And I'm devestated.
I don't want her to have a problem at home. It scares me to think that she might, but I also want her home and it's selfish of me...but that's how I feel. I keep trying to rationalize things in my mind. Derick knows infant CPR, we have a SIDS monitor, and they could send her home with a heart monitor.
So I called the nurse back, posed my questions and she said that Lily's apnea isn't severe. It's not like other babies and she would be better off waiting a few days than even going on a heart monitor. They started adding cereal to her milk to thicken it a little and she seems to be doing well there. When I fed her tonight, they started her on a new nipple and it was coming way to fast. She kept choking and actually stopped breathing and turned blue on me. I was terrified and I wanted to hand her over and never touch her again. I thought I killed her. But I patted her back, and rubbed her chest and she started again. It was enough to completely convince me that she needed some more time. Life does that sometimes. So we switched her nipple and tomorrow I'm going to bring in our bottles with a preemie nipple and see how she does with those. Hopefully that will help with the flow. We just can't get it right...
I was almost going to give up on pumping and breast feeding, but I talked to the PA tonight and she told me to give it some more time. So we tried a little, and Lily didn't really know what to do. It takes time, they tell me. So we're going to give it more time. I'm nervous though that she chokes more on the breast milk than the formula. It almost makes me want to switch to all formula just for that reason. But then I feel like I'm letting both of us down and I'm just not ready to give up yet.
So that's where we are now. Sorry to get your hopes up! Stay tuned...
Friday, August 22, 2008
Spoke to soon
Posted by Becky at 10:10 PM
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7 comments:
You didn't get our hopes up- we're waiting right along with you. She will come home it's only amatter of days, and it will be even sweeter when she does. It's best to make sure she is ready and healthy enough.
Just think she'll be coming home quicker than if she were born in September, so you still win! Hang in there.
Can you add cereal to your pumped milk to make it thicker, that way she can get the nutrition she needs and you're still able to supply the milk? It takes time, but you'll get there.
((HUGS)) my friend.
BTW, I love the new title change- life with...Lily!
oh, what a bummer. I can't imagine how disappointed you are. But at least she is in a safe place, and she will be home soon!
Thinking of you! Hang in there.
Hang in there, Becky. She'll be home before you know it!
I echo everything Monica said. <3
dont give up on breastfeeding yet. powder formula will do the same thing as breastmilk. breastmilk is going to do her so much good in the months to come and if you can atleast make it until she comes home that would be wonderful. just remember shes not even suppose to be eating a bottle right now so even though she has trouble with it shes still doing an amazing thing!
but thickeners and switching bottles can help i cant tell you how many different thickeners and bottles we went through these past three months. everything gets better with time i promise!
im sorry the past eight months! lol not three
Hi Becky, Please be kind to yourself you are doing a wonderful job and Lily sounds like she is doing so well considering she is just a wee tiny girl. I know you want her home and it will come before you know it, in the meantime she is getting stronger and more mature and is in the best place to be for now. Thinking of you both heaps.
Stop beating yourself up; I know easier said then done. Your little girl will be home in a matter of days and you will be posting how much you can not put her down!
Breast feeding takes time and patience. You two will have it down pat.
BIG HUGS!!!!!
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